Good food & good company for the fresh start of the new year.
Also, school just started again and it is weighing me down.
I haven't felt so physically exhausted in while.
I don't know why but this first week of school has gotten me even more tired than a full body workout at the gym.
I also tried out airbrush tattoos with Chewy the other day.
They looked mighty fine but they didn't last very long and I am very tempted to get a real one done.
However, I think my parents would burn me alive.
I shall contemplate.
Touching on the school subject again, I'm glad that certain events have reaffirmed Photography as my major.
It has been comforting, to say the least.
For now, I'll just have to try to stay afloat in this sea called school.
To help me pass my days in school more easily? Or to be there for me no matter what?
Genuine friends or not? I often wonder.
This post has been on my mind for most of December. I guess something just triggered this thought in my mind and being the over-thinker that I am, it has been in and out of my head for quite some time.
Through my life I haven't had the most friends and I haven't had the best of friends.
They come and go, they are sometimes used and thrown away, like condoms (pardon my crude analogy).
When it comes to human interaction, nothing is certain and anything is quite possible.
I wouldn't have expected to make friends in just the first semester of school.
But as we all know, friends find it hard to stay as we grow older and move along in our lives.
Which leads me to wonder if anyone would stay in my life as I find my way in life.
I have seen so many endings to friendships simply because they didn't cherish each other enough.
People just don't bother/ don't care/ the friendship probably dies off. How sad is that.
Maybe people, in this day and age have grown to be less bothered about relationships and friendships.
Maybe it has been like this all along? I don't know.
Maybe we just have too many connections (cyber and non-cyber) that we cannot be bothered/are too lazy/too busy to keep up with the same people over and over again.
But there's no such thing as too busy.
You don't find time, you make time. Has human interaction become so frivolous and meaningless?
Not in my case, at least.
I don't want meaningless relationships/friendships, and I'm very thankful for the lasting friendships I have forged and will forge.
I know you can never fully grasp a person, but you can try.
Trying is putting in effort.
And to put in effort is something powerful in any friendship or relationship.
Good and true friends are few and far between.
All I wish is for all of us to keep trying.
Well, as you know I have been in ADM for one semester.
And streaming was in the cards now.
I got streamed into Photography.
My first choice was Visual Communications.
No surprises there, my GPA wasn't brilliant. But neither was it bad. I even secretly hoped that I would get put into Photog and here I am, in a major that I so very much want to learn from.
But at the same time, I marvel at graphic design works alot and they inspire me to work even harder for what I want in the future.
Then there is also my confusion - what exactly do I want in the future?
The only thing that's for sure, I want to make beautiful things.
Things out of love & the desire to be better.
But these choices now only drive me towards even more confusion.
And leave me directionless because I know not where to turn to and which paths to take.
Sometimes I wonder about my past and think about my mother's words.
And I have to say that my past really shaped the person I am now.
Not in a positive way. I wasn't exposed to the arts of any kind, except school art lessons.
I knew SHIT about art. I didn't have a chance to experience anything other than rigorous academic work and a really frustrating subject called MATHEMATICS.
Which I was good at in the beginning, but even that started to wear off.
And with all this pressure on society and all it's endless boundaries and limitations, it really makes you doubt yourself. It made me doubt myself.
My abilities, my strengths, my character and my worth.
It took me so long to get the courage to deviate from all of that.
And now that I did, I have no regrets at all.
Not even when I didn't get my first choice of major. Everything I've done since I've been in ADM has been such a learning process, albeit very tough and tedious and suicidal many a time.
I have learnt about many things, to do new things, and to really see things.
Perception is what I've really gained.
My teachers may not have been the best (well everyone has their preference I'm sure), but I have learnt something, in one way or another, however minuscule that lesson may have been.
From now on, the struggle will continue as I look for my identity in this new world.
A world that my parents knew nothing about, nor my friends.
All I can say is, so what if I didn't get into the most popular major?
By no means is it the best.
Everyone starts somewhere, and we can all learn if we just try.
So I will try.
I will try everything I can.