Monday, 31 March 2014

Happy







I love my friends, I really do.

They try their best to help when I'm down and when I need advice.

I can't say I'm entirely happy, but I'm trying.

I can't spend time wallowing in self pity, right?



Right now, almost every aspect of my life gets me down.

I can only trust that things will fall into place.

And believe that I'm worthy enough.


Sunday, 30 March 2014

Amendments



This has been a trying week for me.
Everything has just turned out wrong and unexpected.
I don't know what to think or do anymore and my life is officially at its lowest and bleakest in a long time.
All I've known for these 2 years could change in a split second and with the impact of just one word.
I don't know what the future holds for me.
I really don't...

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Friday, 21 March 2014

Art






I love design and doing what I do but today someone reminded me that life is short and we should all just be happy.
And it got me thinking how routine, mundane and boring my life has become and that art school has really strengthen my abilities but at the same time, it has ruined art for me in many ways.

I'm really grateful that I have a comfortable life.
But I cannot help but think of what could have been if I had been raised differently.
Or maybe I just don't have enough balls to do things I want.
This is why I love people who portray what I ideally want myself to be like.
Because I'm just not great enough.

And I really miss the times when I could do my own thing and spend time with people I love.
Life is a big joke, really.

Thursday, 13 March 2014

Happy Birthday



Happy Birthday to me!
I'm 20 and I feel old.
Today was simple and great, although I had to go to Artfriend to get materials for class.
But lunch with my mum was good, and my tiramisu cake.

Looking forward to Saturday with Sar.
And thank you to all my dear friends who wished me a happy birthday.
It is such a humbling feeling to appreciate and be grateful for so many minute details in life.
Here's to more good years ahead and a happy life.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Distance

I'm so emotionally drained and weak right now, I don't know whether I can handle this on my own.
Sar just started training again at a new place and it's from 8.30am to about 6pm every weekday.
They are hardly allowed to text or call or anything like that so we practically only exchange a few lines a day.
After a day's training, he also gets rather tired and needs to study and read up on topics most of the time and I don't want to disturb him then or ask for a call because I know he wants to focus.
And with all this comes struggle.
I don't have a good history of holding up my emotions well in such situations, and neither am I very mentally strong when it comes to these things.
So I basically just well myself up and go into emotional despair at this 'distance'.

But I don't want to lay this burden on anyone. I just want to deal with it effectively.
I think I'm so used to having contact with him everyday for the past month or so that I forget how little contact we get when he used to work and how little contact we will get when he starts work again.
Maybe I will handle it better when that happens.
But right now I just can't handle it.
I am just a big emotional mess.
And it really sucks that the people he's with everyday get to spend more time with him than me.

I know what we have is much greater than this crap but I can't help myself right now.
All I feel is lost.
Do I need to suck it up/grow up?

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Upward




These were taken when Sadrina and I were at the Helix Bridge on a job.
So what I have realised while editing these photos are:
1) my eyes have a bit of a problem when it comes to colour and tones on the computer screen.
2) Skies/clouds are quite a chore to edit because I just cannot figure out which lighting is the best.

Also, I think my old and rubbish(ish) Nikon did a rather good job at capturing these at such a high exposure.
I realise this two photos have different hues but that's how I wanted them anyway.

On another note, I just got done with my TAP interview and hopefully, I get in.
Now that I think about it, my pitch is something I really want to try out even though it may not be something entirely new.
I also have to say that I really want to be exhibited because which art student doesn't want that, right?

Anyway, my blog is starting to sound like a "dear diary..." and I also sound really mature in my writing recently.
Is this part of growing up? Hahahhaah