Saturday, 31 May 2014

Magic




Oh guess who doesn't have a job for this 3 month long holiday? Me.
Guess I will be spending the next 2 months or so thinking a lot, reflecting, making art and working out.
Or I might just die of boredom.
The past few days have made me realised how funny life is.
The things that happen to you, and the things that don't.

Still waiting for magic to happen.

Friday, 30 May 2014

All I want - Kodaline

But If you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is,
And all I need is
To find somebody.
I'll find somebody like you.

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Everything else.







































The rest of the images from Taiwan (most of them, anyway).
My absolute favourite is the second one.
I miss the empty spaces and the clear blue skies (when it is not raining).

Monday, 26 May 2014

Hobo Chic

As of right now, I'm bleaching the ends of my hair and trying to create the ombre effect.
I hope I am succeeding because failing would mean that I will go out tomorrow looking really horrid.
And I'd probably be 'hobo chic' instead of 'boho chic'. (Hence the title, can you tell?)

I think Chewy is right, I'm going through a phase.
Changing up my hair, wearing really loose clothes, wearing bright shoes without matching anything.
Like I said, HOBO CHIC is the way to go.

So let's hope I don't chase boys away. hahahahahahaha

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Greenery







Shots from when I went to visit Summit Resort in Taichung.
Amazing place with lush greenery that I kind of miss.
Everything feels so peaceful, even just staring at that gardener grooming the bushes.

And I hope everyone can find that same peace that I felt.

On a completely unrelated note, I've been thinking of bleaching my hair for the past few weeks.
Just cannot pick up the courage to take action just yet.
Maybe I'll get bleach tomorrow.

Adequate



Someone once told me that they cried to the song "Say Something".
And tonight I did the same.

People tell me to wait.
I am, I really am.
But when is it enough? When will I have sufficient?
At these times, I can only look up and hope that God makes me whole again.
That what I have is sufficient.

Friday, 23 May 2014

The streets of Taiwan























I've finally finished editing and picking out my photos.
This post just comprises of photos of the streets and night markets that I went to in Taiwan.
This is where all the good food is at.
And also many persistent and persuasive shop owners.
And the reason why I'm determined to get healthier after I've gotten back.

Editing these have also been quite therapeutic because I hardly deal with these kind of shots.
But seeing it come alive with post-processing has been most rewarding.

I'll post the rest up in a bit.
Meanwhile, I'm up for a job interview on Monday.
A flexible, part-time job would be ideal and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
The thought about whether I should work this holiday has brought about mixed feelings.
Yes, I'm lazy. But I'm reluctant to work not because of that.
I could do with extra cash but I just find it so pointless.

Maybe my life has come to a point where I have become directionless.
I don't know.

Thursday, 22 May 2014

What If We Gave This Thing Between Us A Shot?

What if:You were across the table.You listened as I told stories about my life that very few people knew about. Silent, sitting still, staring at me as I poured out my frustrations and unraveled the complicated chapters of my life, laying them open on the table so that you could have a glimpse of my tumultuous world and decide whether you’ll leave, or stay right where you are… silent, sitting still, and staring while billows of smoke from our cigarettes cloud the air between us and surround us with thin wisps that dissolve just as fast as our resolve to keep this meeting purely platonic.And then you were beside me.I listened as you told bits and pieces about your life, creating in my head a seemingly vague idea of who you are. Staccato, the manner in which you spoke about your life. Hesitant, like you weren’t sure you wanted to share those things with me. Your voice trailed off, words between us became scarce. It felt as if we entered uncharted territory, a place neither of us should be in, yet we let ourselves fall victim to the night’s spell and the liquor’s lure. As I leaned my head against your shoulder, our hands slowly intertwined, an unsure gesture, a step forward to the unknown, a departure from the platonic.We locked lips.An explosion of lust, passion, hunger, and desire in every imaginable spectrum. Friendship set ablaze, resolve to turn away dissolved into a haze. Sweet sighs, soft murmurs, scorching stares, yearning touch. It was everything all at once.Silence.Swirls of smoke obscuring our senses, clouding our judgment, suspended in the air between us as our minds engage in a losing battle against our desires. We were still. The chandelier’s light cast a golden glimmer on the half-empty glasses of bourbon and vodka, making the red liquor emanate a faint glow that mirrors our muted passion. Nothing left to say.We parted ways.A smile, a hug, a promise to see each other again soon. Like good friends should. As the night separated us, I was reminded of reality and the gravity of this stupidity. My reason and emotions were at war. It’s a battle I never wanted, yet a struggle I knew I must face.Reason tells me to stop. But my heart says otherwise.

By Geneve Gallardo

Recently, things like these have been getting to me.
I am officially a mess.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

I'm back from Taiwan!
Photos will be up as soon as I transfer and edit them.
Which..... will take quite some time.

But thank God for this trip.

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Addressed to retards

" Only retards let go of what they know is already great."
- Sadrina Shukor

Thank you, my friend. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I can only hope that things pick up from here.



A photo by Sadrina from awhile ago.

Look at me, I was content and happy even though the sun was blazing and I could hardly open my eyes.


You and I
Against a rule,
Set for us by time.
A marker drawn
To show our end
Etched into its line.
The briefest moment
Shared with you—
The longest
On my mind.

— Lang Leav, A Timeline 
















Monday, 12 May 2014

Drawing strength


An old photo. 

I sound narcissistic for saying this, but I like this photo.
In a weird way, I feel that it represents how I feel right now.

But mostly it is a mix of anguish, confusion, sadness, calmness and acceptance.
I don't know how I can feel anguish and calmness at the same time but I do.
Acceptance. I am surprised how much I am able to accept.

I don't understand.
But I will keep trying.






An Impossible Task

To try or untry
to forget you not
may be related somewhat 
To tying then trying 
to untie 
a complicated knot

- Lang Leav


I am trying.

Friday, 9 May 2014

Cheap thrills



Some toilet selfies because cheap thrills for a Photography major.
We don't always take 'proper' photos.
Also, these help me to document how I look as I age.

Ok, that was all.

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Growing Up


Growing up, for me, has been a wild experience so far.
An experience very much like taking off my shoes and stepping on the grass for the first time (Yes, like in the picture).
You could say there have been many 'defining' moments of adulthood I have come to experience for myself.
These experiences, they shape me.
And now I'm confused.
I don't know if I can accept this facet of growing up. I don't know if I'm psychologically ready to handle all this shit at once.
I don't know if I'm doing the right things.
But then again, what is right? 
I ask myself, what do I want? What am I doing to myself?

Is this me?

I guess, the bottom line is, I'm just not brave enough to take risks.

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Comfort


I so badly need a getaway right now, and fortunately I'm flying off to Taiwan in less than 2 weeks.
Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure we will be eating 24/7 on this trip and I'll probably gain back all my fat and lose all the muscle I have gained from gym and Muaythai.
But at least we'll be going trekking. I hope.
And at least I don't have someone breathing down the back of my neck about clean eating and fitness.
Really, we just need to enjoy our lives and enjoy food. 
We just need to be happy.

Which brings me to the point that I am starting to feel that I am easing back into comfort in my own life again.
It is something I have never felt in a long time and I'm enjoying every bit of it.