Thursday, 31 December 2015


It has been 6 months but it still hurts.
It just hurts in a different way.

I don't bawl my eyes out.
I just sit and ponder.
The pain will always linger.

But I am stronger.

It is funny how your heart always goes back to the ones who hurt you the most.
Maybe it's because it wonders what could have been, if you hadn't been hurt.
And because you keep questioning the reason why they are not the person you used to know anymore.

But for all the broken ones:
Remember you are in a better place now, better than you could have been with the ones you lost.

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

raise yo hands and say fuck the world

And all at once, I feel very much lonely and very afraid.
I think of everything and nothing simultaneously.
My head hurts.

I am tired of being unhappy with myself.
I am tired of being unhappy with the world.
It's one of those moments when life truly sickens me.

Sunday, 27 December 2015

Brisbane oh Brisbane

A neglected and not-so-nice photo of Brisbane I found in my folders just now.
On the topic of Brisbane, I booked my flights 2 days ago and my visa also just got approved.
It is set, I'm arriving at 7am on Feb 12th!!!
I don't think I can really describe how I feel about it.

Excitement, anticipation and eagerness, and also some fear of the unknown which is only normal.
So many things going through my mind.
So many things to do.

It's only going to be 5/6 months but why do I feel like I'm moving there?!
Brisbane, oh Brisbane.

PS: also need to call up the school office to approve my electives.

Monday, 21 December 2015

fuck yo abs

For anyone who has any interest in fitness at all.
She sends a very strong message circling the fitness culture that has been growing so much recently and how everyone in this fitness circle is trying so hard to achieve a 'perfect body' (think #fitness #strongisthenewskinny etc.)
Not everything you see online is what it seems.

I am by no means categorised as 'fit' but I'm into working out myself and to be honest, it is a struggle sometimes, being in and out of the gym, looking at these small girls doing their light cardio and weights and looking at my bigger frame squatting so much more than them.
I love it, don't get me wrong, and I love feeling strong, but sometimes it just fucks with your mind.
Like how come my body isn't like this? How come my waist isn't as small, how come her butt looks so perky even though it's small blablablablabla how come my tummy still so fat blablabla omg i need to get rid of this flab

I feel it has come to a point where a lot of people go into fitness just to look good and it becomes an obsession. Sometimes I struggle with this issue myself and I think we all need a reminder that happiness and health comes first, and not whether you look a certain way.

Sunday, 20 December 2015

Botched plastic surgery

Hello everyone, you can laugh at my botched plastic surgery seafood allergy.
I went to have $2 oysters with Marion and I didn't realise that having two, TWO measly oysters could cause me to look like my face got run over by a car.
But alas, my condition is improving and I look almost normal now, thanks to prescribed eyedrops.

Because of this, I spent the whole day moping/napping/eating too much sugar (a table spoon of nutella, ice cream and a lot of Percy Pigs).
Hopefully I look normal enough to go to the gym tomorrow.

Fuck you Conjunctivitis.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

Books & Hiking

Soooooo the bookshow opened last weekend and it was pretty great seeing all my friends' works and seeing familiar faces again.
Also been doing some cardio, cycling in East Coast and hiking random parks that we find.
Also playing mahjong until 3am and then watching intense movies (but I ended up sleeping).
Life has been very rewarding.
But I think I burned out too much in the second half of this year and right now I just don't feel like doing ANYTHING AT ALL.
So for the next two months before I fly, I'll be bumming around and spending too much money.

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Book Show

So the book that I made this semester has been shortlisted for a book show!!!
I feel so overwhelmed and grateful even though it's just a small show and it is not that big of a deal anyway.
But if anyone is interested, the book show will be held 12-13 Dec at DECK.
They also asked the 15 shortlisted people to give a short talk, say whaaaat.
Hopefully I don't sound stupid.

Sunday, 6 December 2015

Love Yourself

Random updates from my iPhone!!!
My tremendously casual wedding dinner outfit.
Beach times with Chewy.
And a gorgeous dress that I ended up NOT BUYING because my shoulders are too broad.
But I really need to go back to get it.

Thursday, 3 December 2015

5 Sins only

So I attempted to recreate the Seven Deadly Sins for lighting class but only chose 5 to do because 5 photos was the requirement and also my teacher requested that I only do 5.
Posting these even though they can obviously be improved on with more time and resources (#studentlife)

Do you know how hard it is to co-ordinate 5 separate shoots with 5 different people at 5 different locations in that span of 5 weeks with all 5 of them rushing final submissions for school?
Hahaha anyway I'm not bragging but I'm just saying that I'm proud of myself for pushing myself in a task that I didn't actually think I was capable of, and also very out of my comfort zone.
Definitely 1 or 2 of them I would reshoot if given the chance because the lighting consistency is not perfect at all.
It kind of messes with my head a little when I shoot a series on all separate occasions because I get lost in that one image I'm making that day that I sometimes lose sight of the whole series.

I would love to reshoot this some time. Hmm time for some planning.
But first, settling exchange stuff AGAIN.

Monday, 30 November 2015

Saturday, 28 November 2015

Hermanni (Your Space Is My Space) & random ranting

Just these two for now.

I am the type of person who has 20 tabs open in my browser all at once.
But now, because of all the stuff to go through for exchange, I have 6 WINDOWS OPEN AT THE SAME TIME WITH 20 TABS ON EACH.
I realise I'm super messy and like to lump my shit together and in fact, I HATE BEING ORGANISED.
It's sad but true..........
You just have to look at the state of my desk and my shelf.
And then I wonder, how am I going to live in a small shoebox space when I'm in Australia?

Friday, 27 November 2015

Oh mother

My mum is and looks like a sweet, conservative asian mum.

Thursday, 26 November 2015

Kishan (Your Space Is My Space)

Well yesterday was my one and only paper so yeah, I'm officially done with the semester.
Now onto more important things like sorting out my exchange stuff!!!

PS: If anyone can help me with looking for accomodation and stuff like that because I DESPERATELY NEED HELP FUCK

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Stanley (Your Space Is My Space)

Fewer photos from this time because it was a tough process filtering through every photo and picking only those that fit into the book!

Friday, 20 November 2015

Lionel (Your Space Is My Space)

So I embarked on making a photo book this semester and completed submission today!
It is titled 'Your Space is My Space' and touches on personal space and the photographer-subject relationship.
The project initially started off as something different but eventually matured and evolved into a very subtle and calm piece of work that I am quite proud of.

Lionel and a few other friends were very kind to let me into their spaces to photograph them. Most of these photographs have been compiled into a book and I'm afraid this is the end of the project.
I would love to let some of these other ideas sit a little while more and go up a notch, maybe in some time to come because that kind of intimacy requires a whole new relationship with your subject.

For now the book is complete and in my prof's hands, can't wait to post the other photos up!

Sunday, 8 November 2015

This is why.

When you break up with a person, you don't lose just one person.
You lose a lot.
You lose a lot of things, a lot of people.
They take away the moments you spent with them.
They take away that time you put in to build that kind of life.
They take away friends -their friends whom you had started liking and some who had become good friends.
They take away those songs you used to listen when you were together.
Those lanes where you used to walk.
Those movies you watched with them. And the ones which you didn't but were going to.
They take away the person you had become when you were with them. Your identity you had associated yourself with. You were theirs for so long- being someone else's was a part of your identity.
They take away those small things you had saved- now you have no use of the ticket from your first movie or the gift wrappers you managed to save.
They take away those smiles you smiled when someone teased you with their name.
They take away those Facebook tags and photos and status updates which are now meaningless.
They take away those tears, because you will never cry for the same things again, not for another person.
And with all this they take themselves away making sure that you hate some of the things you loved including them.
- Ridhima Shukla

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

In conversations tonight, I revisited you.
"He destroyed my soul", I said.
"I don't feel anything for them"

Nights like these, I wish we had been better together.
But then again, nope no no nope naaaaaaaaaaaah I'm good thanks.
Fool the world, but don't fool yourself.

But I know things have been going tremendously well in my life now :')
Still thankful for amazing friends (and missing the ones overseas)


must be the fucking Adele song 'Hello' giving me the feels fuck but it's so good fuck fuck fuck someone needs to apologise to me now

Monday, 2 November 2015

My life in shitty iphone pics

photos of friends sleeping

when your outfit cute but your lips fucking dry

trying to take outfit photos for friends

getting flash tattoos on Halloween

welcome to the family my new baby (a $66 steal but by an apprentice meh whatever)

faking dining table scenes

Last two weeks of the semester left and I can't believe I'm updating my blog because I have a shitload of work to complete lol fuck my life how am i supposed to complete my work.

Also want to mention how grateful I am to the people around me because everyone has been selflessly contributing to my shoots and my work.
Some of my friends make the best models.

Also thank you Chewy for being the most badass friend yesterday night and making me laugh uncontrollably while dancing.
Things happen in the weirdest of ways.