Sunday, 18 June 2017

Feeling disgusted that I was once with someone who could so easily betray the love and complete trust I have shown them.

I don't know how you can ever do that to someone you claim to love.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

2 months

2 months of very real struggles.
2 months of questioning far too many things in my life than I am actually supposed to.
2 months of still not realising who I am.

Thinking of deleting this blog.
It holds too many events and memories that I would now rather bury deep in my heart than leave aired in the open.

I did think of starting a Dayre (have an account but don't blog), but I do think it's a little too instantaneous for me and a little too fast-food paced.
I do like taking my time to gather my thoughts and type.

For some reason, I have been wanting to be alone a lot lately.
I think a better word would be independent.
I find myself getting more cynical as time passes and it isn't as though I wasn't cynical enough already before.
I don't know anymore.

Monday, 20 February 2017

First of 2017

Today, I learnt to parallel park in less than an hour and I also learnt that monsters do exist in real life.

Someone I considered a peer did the most immature thing ever. She stared down at me after noticing that I had smiled to greet her when I saw her walking towards me.
I don't know how low a person can go but this is definitely the lowest I have experienced myself.
I feel like this seems like such a petty thing to blog about and so stupid as a first post of 2017 (late as hell) but I feel like I need to remember this. 
I think I was pretty bewildered but I remember just freezing my smile because I was amused and also SO CONFUSED.
Like why the fuck would someone stare you down??? That has got to be the most immature and petty expression of displeasure to someone (yours truly) who was just being polite.

But actually I'm just happy I can parallel park well HAHAHHAHAHA

2017 has not been smooth!
I guess it will be a year of deeper and clearer realisations. And a year of appreciating the people who deserve it the most.

This evening, an old friend asked: "So are you going to _____'s wedding?"
Me: "I wasn't invited lol"
S: "HUH really what happen"
Me: "she drowned our friendship"

I guess this is another thing worth remembering. And this has been on my mind for a while.
Friendships fall apart and people become distanced.
But what I have failed to understand the past few years is how you could distance yourself from me and our friendship when what I needed most at that time was friendship itself.

I would text you occasionally to ask you what you've been up to and these texts would go unanswered.
I looked up to you and I respected you, as a person and a professional.
But I guess my friendship wasn't beneficial to you and you decided to burn the bridges instead.
The first friend I made the first day I came to university.
Ironic that I wouldn't be graduating with you as a friend.

Still grateful for the people that have proven my judgemental self wrong (hahahahaah) and the people who are sticking like glue (SIMIN I LOVE YOU MY FOREVER LOVE)!